Free Write #1/ My Thoughts

The past few weeks have went from somewhat good to complete shit. I never wanted to end up where i am. It wasn't suppose to get this bad. I sit here and wonder sometimes how i let it get this bad. Losing the trust of the ones who watch you and not being able to have an once of freedom. It isn't fun and i should have learned from the past. This isn't how i wanted to spend my summer. Behind a computer, filling out applications for a job that i don't want. Being forced to do something i don't want to. But i did it to myself. I have to live with my consequences and take responsibility for my mistakes. I haven't done that to this day. I try to push off the responsibility for anything to someone else. I cant for this mistake. I did it, I messed up and did something i shouldn't have. I just have to live and know that everything will get better with time. I have three months to mend and attempt to fix the relationships I've broken. It will be hard and time consuming but i have to gain back the trust of the ones that i love. This is definitely not how i wanted to spend the summer of my senior year.