Free Write #2/ Why I Write

I write because i feel like i am putting my emotions into words, onto the page, making them real. When there's something wrong i know that i can do two things to help make everything better. Read or write. I can put my words on the page and if someone reads them they do, but i don't put them there to be read i put them there because it gives me satisfaction that i can see my emotions on a page in words. I know it may not sound right or sound logical but to me it is. I can sit here and type for hours about nothing or about something and i would feel a lot better afterwards. I write to let out my feelings. I sometimes picture me writing like a battle or an adventure, yeah its weird shut up. When I'm angry its like i am going into a battle, my words the sword, the lines and page they are written on my enemy. When I'm depressed or upset, i write about something depressing and put the images in my head like a story, like I'm actually in my writing. It calms me down and makes me feel better most of the time. It's why i get enjoyment out of writing and love being able to read and write. This is a little bit about why i write and what it does for and to me.

Free Write #1/ My Thoughts

The past few weeks have went from somewhat good to complete shit. I never wanted to end up where i am. It wasn't suppose to get this bad. I sit here and wonder sometimes how i let it get this bad. Losing the trust of the ones who watch you and not being able to have an once of freedom. It isn't fun and i should have learned from the past. This isn't how i wanted to spend my summer. Behind a computer, filling out applications for a job that i don't want. Being forced to do something i don't want to. But i did it to myself. I have to live with my consequences and take responsibility for my mistakes. I haven't done that to this day. I try to push off the responsibility for anything to someone else. I cant for this mistake. I did it, I messed up and did something i shouldn't have. I just have to live and know that everything will get better with time. I have three months to mend and attempt to fix the relationships I've broken. It will be hard and time consuming but i have to gain back the trust of the ones that i love. This is definitely not how i wanted to spend the summer of my senior year. 

Christmas

It shined through the light snowfall. it could be seen from the farthest edge of town in the pitch black of night. It warmed your heart when you saw the star on the tree in town. It always makes you feel happy and in the Christmas spirit. It shined brightly at night, it was unbelievable. It was like the north star for the wise men.
 When tourists would come into town they would always say something good about the star atop the tree. they would say it helped them find the center of town at the darkest hour of the night. It was always lit near the time of Christmas. It was never off through the month of December. Everyone was happy when Christmas time rolled around. The time had come that they had awaited all year. The time of happiness and joy that filled the spirit of everyone in the small little town.

Here

The sins and lies
Would corrupt your life

The need that lingered
The feeling would not suffice

You left a wound
You rolled the dice

Your heart as mended
But filled with ice

The World

Dark and cold
As days run by

The soothing clouds
Will always cry

You'll always run
From this incessant pain

But never forget
The sins you've made

Our Love

Here we go again
The feelings start to settle in

Once again we are more than friends
Another heartache waiting to begin

Such a beautiful disaster
Trying to slow down but keep moving faster

This love is torture
But you're worth the pain

Please make up your mind
Cause i'm going insane